Trigger Warning, I discuss pregnancy loss and ectopic pregnancy in this blog. If this isn't something you are ready to read, please head to one of our other blog posts instead.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, a time for us to come together, break the silence, and support those who have been affected by miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. While the experience of losing a pregnancy or an infant is devastating, it’s also a topic that isn’t spoken about often enough. Many endure this pain in silence, feeling like it’s too difficult or uncomfortable to share. But it’s in these stories that we can find connection, healing, and support from those around us.
I want to share my story, not because I want sympathy, but because I believe it’s important. By talking about our losses, we allow others to feel less alone and create space for healing. I hope that by sharing our journey, someone who has been through something similar will feel comforted and perhaps even encouraged to open up about their story, too.
Breaking the Silence on Pregnancy Loss: My Ectopic Pregnancy Story
To my surprise, I fell pregnant the second month of "not, not trying." The first month was full of anxiety and testing far too early, and I even got a couple of faint positives, only to be met with my period soon after. The second month, I promised myself I wouldn’t overthink it, but that plan didn’t last long when my twin sister Crystal mentioned she had dreamt I was pregnant.
A couple of days later, I had this random urge to take a pregnancy test, and after checking my period app, I realised I was three days late, something that never happens to me. I took a test and saw a very strong positive. Still, given what had happened the month before, I didn’t fully believe it. So, I ran to the shop, grabbed a digital test, and sure enough, it confirmed I was pregnant. It was a huge shock.
I had never had a positive test before and, to be honest, it left me feeling a whirlwind of emotions. I was shaking, confused and scared all at once, I had all the thoughts; are we ready, what have we done, I need more time etc. You see, I thought that falling pregnant would be difficult for us, given what I’d seen others close to me go through, but now it was happening. My partner and I were cautiously happy but decided not to get too excited until everything was confirmed.
Even though the tests were positive and the initial blood tests seemed fine, something didn’t sit right with me. I was filled with anxiety, I had a gut feeling that something was off. I was trying not to get too excited just in case, I had a constant worry that I couldn’t shake, and looking back, I’m not sure if it was my intuition or anxiety. Either way, I felt like I was holding my breath, waiting for something to go wrong.
After a week, I started having cramps. It wasn’t excruciating, just a dull ache, but I knew I needed to get it checked out. By the next morning, the pain was still there, so I decided to head to the hospital at 5:30am. Even though I tried to convince myself that everything was fine, deep down, I knew something wasn’t right.
After sitting at the hospital for hours, I ended up booking myself in for a private ultrasound and a GP appointment thinking this would get me answers sooner. I vividly remember the pain of waiting for it while trying to hold a full bladder. When they finally did the scan, they found a gestational sac in the right place, but there was also fluid around my left fallopian tube, indicating internal bleeding. Soon after, my doctor confirmed that it was an ectopic pregnancy, and I needed to head back to the emergency department immediately.
The news was hard to hear however, I kind of knew this was going to happen, over the past week it felt like I was just waiting for the inevitable. Although, I did wish that I was wrong.
Toby rushed to meet me at the hospital, and things moved quickly from there as my GP had written me a letter explaining my situation. The doctors then confirmed that my left fallopian tube had ruptured, which meant it needed to be removed. I hadn’t been able to eat since the early morning, and as I waited in the ED, all I could think about was food, I wanted chocolate cake and chicken nuggets! Finally, they transferred me to the ward, where I was given a private room.
I then went into surgery around 9:30pm (it was a long day!) and the team was great, I was lucky to have a good experience at the hospital. Although I know this isn't always the case for women experiencing pregnancy loss.
One thing that helped me cope during this time was the work I had been doing with my psychologist over the past year. Learning how to process my emotions, (although this is still a work in progress), and not be too hard on myself was invaluable. Each night, I found myself replaying the whole experience in my mind, from the positive test to the hospital bed. I did reach out to a free counselling service and she helped me realise that there is no one way to process an experience like this.
It took a few weeks before I could start to talk about it without feeling overwhelmed. I had messaged some of my closest friends while I was at the hospital because I wanted them to know what was happening. It wasn’t that I needed sympathy, in fact, it was a bit overwhelming having people ask how I was doing every day. But I didn’t want to keep it a secret either. I knew I needed support, even if I wasn’t fully ready to talk about it yet. And support is what we got, our house looked like a florist from all the deliveries we had received.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this experience, it’s the importance of listening to your intuition and advocating for yourself when something feels off. My symptoms weren’t extreme, I wasn’t in severe pain or bleeding, but I knew something wasn’t right. It was only because I trusted my gut and sought help that I was able to get the care I needed fast.
For anyone who has been through pregnancy or infant loss, I want you to know that you are not alone. It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling, whether it’s grief, anger, confusion, or even relief. These emotions are valid, and you deserve the space to process them. And if you’re not ready to share your story yet, that’s okay too. There’s no timeline for healing.
If you or someone you know is dealing with pregnancy or infant loss, there are organisations that can offer support and guidance during this difficult time:
The Pink Elephants Support Network: Provides emotional support and resources for women and families who have experienced pregnancy loss.
Red Nose Grief and Loss: Offers 24/7 support for anyone affected by miscarriage, stillbirth, and newborn death.
Bears of Hope: Professional grief counsellors, free of charge for those experiencing pregnancy and infant loss.
Miscarriage Information Support Service: Miscarriage resources including free care packages and advice for family and loved ones to support
If you are in a crisis situation, please call Lifeline (13 11 14), Beyond Blue (1300 224 636), or 000 immediately.
It’s important to remember that healing is a journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone. Sharing your story, when you're ready, can be a powerful step toward healing and connecting with others who understand.
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